In the first part of this article I covered some reasons that people write a spec screenplay:

1. I want to be a star, but I can't dance and have a face like a horse.

2. If I write a script, people will listen to me and respect my ideas.

3. I don't want to work, I just want to write.

4. I need therapy, bad.

5. I want to be rich.

Then, unfortunately, I explained how all these motivations would doom you to heart-wrenching failure.

But I also promised to tell you a reason to write a screenplay that will bring you endless joy and instant success, and here it is:

Only write a screenplay if you are going to make the movie too.

(Obviously, if you are already getting paid to write a script, do it, that is a different story.)

You heard me right. Don't write a movie expecting, hoping, wanting, needing, begging someone else to put their blood, sweat, tears, and cash into it, or expect them to be true to your story and vision. This means forget about writing spec scripts. The vast majority of spec scripts are useless junk. They clog the system and waste everyone's time.

Many writers think of their screenplay as their "baby." Would you conceive a child with the goal of having someone else raise it? Would you do this over and over? In a rare instance, you could be a "surrogate mother" for a production company or studio (or your sister-in-law who was born without ovaries), but otherwise, it is like giving birth to a baby that you expect someone else to raise. And that makes you a jerk in my book. The film industry desperately needs Planned Parenthood for scriptwriters.

Ideas are cheap, and so are you.

Let's face it you're a slut. You would "sell out" for even the hint of a suggestion of the slightest possibility of money coming your way at some undetermined date in the future. My advice is: "Don't do it." Don't fall for it. Don't be a slut. Don't be the screenwriter on the corner in heavy makeup, wearing a mico-mini dress and thigh-high boots, soliciting the acquisitions executive from Miramax for a "date." Don't sell out your ideas. Don't be the one to scream "Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia! Give her the rats, not me!" like you are Winston Smith in the novel 1984. Just say no to the crackpipe dream of selling a spec script to Hollywood. Please forward this to the 9,000 people who sent in a script to Project Green Light: Your time would have been better spent straightening out the garage, volunteering in a soup kitchen, or sorting out your recyclables, you crack ho.

Write the film you want to see, and then make it.

Or write it as a novel, play, or comic book first. A script is not an end point, and having a stack of unmade scripts is a mark of failure not success. Don't write what you think someone else might be interested in buying, because if you think that way, you have already lost.

A script is like a business plan, a document that allows people to discuss an intangible idea in a tangible way, a common ground for actors, cinematographers, directors, editors, crew, and producers to chart their path toward a common goal. Until an idea is articulated onto a page, it is too nebulous, too time consuming, and too risky to expect the project to move forward based on a concept in someone's head. Ideas need to be put on the table so everyone can inspect them and make them better before turning them into a film. That is what a script does.

You don't need permission, production talent, experience, or skill.

Don't worry about not knowing anything about how to make a film out of a story. What you need to have, and what you need to know, will be made obvious as you move forward. You will find the people who have the skills you need to be part of your team, as you move forward. You will find solutions, as you move forward. Use the force, Luke. Move forward.

You don't need millions of dollars to make a movie that is great. Use a miniDV camera, use 16mm, 8mm, 4mm?, use Flash animation. Stage a play and shoot it. Use sock puppets or Barbie dolls. If you story is good, your movie will be good. If you think you need forty million dollars to make it work, that is a red flag that your story is weak and you are a pathetically lame loser. (No offense. And don't worry about what I think about you, I'm sure your mother is still proud of you, despite you being, you know, a pathetically lame loser and all.)

You will learn how to make your next movie better.

By making your movie, you will learn more about writing a movie, and more about the reality of the movie industry, than reading a book about it, or anything else you could do, including writing more spec scripts. It's about growth after all-personal, professional, and creative growth. Writing spec scripts that aren't getting made into movies is like staying a freshman in high school your whole life, and who likes getting wedgies their whole life? Okay, granted there are some people who would want that, but I'm hoping you're not one of them, you freak.

You will obtain peace of mind and attain nirvana.

Nothing changes when you become a "success." Everything you are whining about now will get worse. Everyone is still scrambling for money to do his or her next project. There is never enough for what you want or think you need. Actors aren't available. You are always starting from scratch with each project, and the stakes are raised because of expectations. You also will get to make your mistakes in public, with a certain amount of inevitable criticism regardless of what you do, and if you fail, you will damage your hard-earned reputation. Sound appealing?

The only thing that can change in the equation is you-your skills, knowledge, experience, outlook, and ability to solve problems. When you set realistic goals, you can work toward them without the gnawing anxiety that comes from the desperate neediness and lack of control that accompanies being a spec scriptwriter. No more waiting for other people's approval or permission. Winning the script lottery is unrealistic, arbitrary, and completely out of your control. Making your movie is not. And it doesn't matter how long it takes or how little money you have.

That choice will give you a worthy, achievable, meaningful, and personally satisfying goal, and in life, that is a rare and valuable thing. And it is a real form of success.